Magic and Apathy

When I first started on my path, I dived head first into any book I could get my hands on. I read a good majority of Scott Cunningham, learning about Wicca and their belief, as well as things like candle and herbal magic. I quickly created my Book of Shadows, a massive 3-ring binder filled to the brim with information on correspondences, deities, personal view points, my birth chart, etc.

Every single day, I was spending countless hours reading and learning, studying and researching. I quickly caught on to tarot and began offering free readings through my tumblr blog. Those free readings helped develop my skill and build that confidence to offer them professionally.

Within the first three years of beginning my path, I went through so much change and evolution. Truths were revealed to me in rapid succession, and it began to overwhelm me. So, I took a break.

I didn’t think that I was helping anyone any more. So many people made me feel like my craft, this skill I spent long hours studying and perfecting (if you can call it perfect) was just a party favor. I felt as if people didn’t respect my time nor my energy. I put my cards away for a few years, only taking them out every now and then, shuffling them a little, maybe drawing one or two cards, before ultimately putting them away again.

Eventually, I put my spirituality, as a whole, on the back burner. I started focusing on more mundane and human tasks, trying to block out all the signs and synchronicities that were always popping up, even when I didn’t want to see them.

I kept my head down, until life got too overwhelming. I had lost the connection to my spirituality and everything started feeling like a crushing weight on top of me. I ended up having a break down. I felt sincerely insane and that there was no point to anything, that I was just crazy and didn’t matter.

Then, something called to me. I heard a voice that I hadn’t in a long time. Not a literal voice, mind you, just the longing to remember. I started scouring my memories, trying to think of what was happening when I was my happiest? What was I doing that kept a smile on my face?

That’s when I remembered my spirituality. In my case, absence did make the heart grow fonder. I realized how miserable and uninterested in life I had been since separating myself from my own inner wisdom. I began working with my craft again, this time with more patience. I allowed myself to truly enjoy the beauty that was and still is my spirituality.

I once again felt whole, reconnected, and loved because I had learned to love myself through everything. For me, I do sometimes struggle with those feelings of apathy. I do sometimes get too caught up in the humanity of life that I forget, though briefly now, how important spirituality and belief is for me. I have learned that it’s okay.

It is okay to stray from your path, to take breaks whenever you need them, and to readjust your vision. But, if your magic, whatever that appears as to you, makes you feel whole and connected, then don’t abandon it forever.

Nowadays, I try to be more gracious in my day to day. I never go more than a week without doing something to strengthen my connection and my personal magic. I have made my spirituality an unwavering priority and it has helped me through so much.

My advice to you, reader, is to not let boredom or inactivity get the best of you. You are connected to your version of Source. You have your own type of magic inside of you. Find it, nurture it, and make it a priority always. Your life will get so much better.

If anything in this post is confusing or perhaps misworded, I will be honest with you. I write exactly what is going on in my head in reference to my prompt and just let the ideas flow out. I do not edit or revise anything, as I believe you deserve the raw personal truth from my lips. I wish not to censor or rewrite any thought or idea when I am in this meditative state of writing my truth. I hope that you can respect and appreciate that.

To close, I want to thank everyone who has read this whole thing. It took a lot of divine guidance and reassurance to begin doing these prompts and I hope, at the very least, you can learn something from my own personal feelings and thoughts.

I appreciate every single one of you and I thank you all for existing.

Find your truth. Live it. Love yourself.

🧿

Published by azanareader

Chaos Witch. Tarot Reader. The Go Between of the Worlds.

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